Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
