Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
