you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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