I accidentally had phone sex last night
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
