To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
