you guys were way drunker than both of me
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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