i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
