At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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