God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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