I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
