Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
