Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I supernannyed him into submission
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
