where am i from again
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
