There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
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