my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
