i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
