you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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