Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
