Who did Billy Mays play for?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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