Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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