I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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