Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
