What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
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I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
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I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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