I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
