Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize