do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
