Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
