I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm experimenting with sincerity
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
