I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
