I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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