My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
and she was petting her beer can
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
did i walk over a car last night?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
