don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
