If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My life is pants optional.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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