So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
