And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
