NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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