If i come over, it means nothing
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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