This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Boobs speak an international language.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
