Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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