he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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