I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
