I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
