Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
