is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
