Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
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tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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