tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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