3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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