i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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