the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
