I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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