he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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