Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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