I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
