You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
