He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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