Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
