I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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