After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
