I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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