This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
