my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
