Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
