I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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