i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
