I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
