you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
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Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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