i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
