i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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