i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
